Provocative Parents (and teachers & coaches)

A couple of years ago I read a few chapters in The Heart of Anger by Lou Priolo. I picked it up because God had been revealing anger in my own heart and because I was working with some students who were struggling with anger. Excellent book! I was especially impacted by his chapter about "provocative parents." He takes the title from divinely inspired words to parents: "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discpline and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4). Priolo says, "To the degree that you are provoking him to anger, you must stop. To whatever degree you stop provoking him, you can make it easier for [your child] to correct his anger probem." The list below of common ways parents, coaches, and teachers provoke children, athletes, and students has helped me see ways I need to change:

• Modeling Sinful Anger
• Habitually Disciplining While Angry
• Scolding
• Being Inconsistent with Discipline
• Having Double Standards
• Being Legalistic
• Not Admitting You’re Wrong and Not Asking For Forgiveness
• Constantly Finding Fault
• Not Listening to Your Student’s opinion or Taking His or Her “Side of the Story” Seriously
• Comparing Them to Others
• Not Making Time “Just to Talk”
• Not Praising or Encouraging Your Students
• Failing to Keep Your Promises
• Chastening in Front of Others
• Not Allowing Enough Freedom
• Allowing Too Much Freedom
• Mocking Your Child
• Ridiculing or Name Calling
• Unrealistic Expectations
• Practicing Favoritism